I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
