so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
