they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
