You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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