Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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