i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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