Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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