She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He did a backflip because drugs
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
