I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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