Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
