According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
