i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
