I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
