just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
