My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
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