im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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