I wish I could teleport
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
