he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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