he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
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