Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
