i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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