found the other keg... it's in the tree
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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