somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
