Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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