Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
