Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
