Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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