i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
