i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize