I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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