8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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