And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
