i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
