Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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