so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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