I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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