Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
