There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
