He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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