The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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