there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize