No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
