My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
