just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
my liver is dry heaving
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
