The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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