We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
