I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
