I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
