Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
