How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
