you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
