just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
