I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
