shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
