Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
