oh god the rape fog is back!
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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