i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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