Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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