god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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