theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
