I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
