So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
