Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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