Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm sobbing to NWA
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
