what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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