The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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