why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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