We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
