Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
