im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
