he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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