I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
