Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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