I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
