this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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