My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
There are leaves in my underwear?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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