im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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