I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Randomize
