What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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