the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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