Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
