She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
