Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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