You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
