Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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