I think I died a long time ago.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize