i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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