I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
