Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
