first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
