My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
