So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
pray to the hookup gods
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
