After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
