I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
