I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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