I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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