Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
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