this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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