I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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