forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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