I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
