did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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