weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
