Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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