I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
