Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
