He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
