He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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