3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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