Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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